Thursday, July 06, 2006

Your Own Legion of Super Heroes/Villains, or: Why I am a sad man.

This is a pretty damn good idea for a message board thread: create your own larger-than-life team of heroes and villains. Limiting choices to five, here's what I came up with:

Jack Bauer from “24”
Bill Hicks*
Marc Bolan of T-Rex
Wonder Woman (so sue me)
Jesus Christ on a rocket-fueled, adamantium pogo stick

The Judge from Blood Meridian
BOB from "Twin Peaks"
Ann Coulter & Matt Drudge (as one inseperable duo)
Simon Milligan and Hecubus from "The Kids in the Hall" (ditto)
Ayn Rand**

League of Ambiguity (Heroes? Villains? Other? Who can say):
Noam Chomsky
Willie Wonka
Michael Jordan
uhm, The Ambiguously Gay Duo

* I originally wanted Werner Herzog on the heroes list, but then in an epiphany of dorkiness I pictured Bauer and Hicks getting into Wolverine/Cyclops-like spats over issues like torture and civil liberties.
**my alternate choice for Ayn Rand would be the Melissa Etheridge song at the end of "An Inconvenient Truth," which is so awful I'm convinced it was snuck in there by Exxon to undermine the fight against global warming.

UPDATE: Putting Simon and Hecubus on there has inspired me to create an all-Kids in the Hall superheroes and villains list.
Heroes: Headcrusher, Chicken Lady, Flying Pig, the Eradicator, Buddy Cole as portrayed in that one women's softball sketch
Villains: Cabbage Head, the Sizzler sisters, that surly Croation cab driver, Mark McKinney as Satan, that one guy Kevin played who made empty promises all the time ("Will do...." "Slipped my mind..." anyone know what I'm talking about?)


loveyouintheface said...

I've been watching kids in the hall on Youtube a lot. I shall leave you with this:

I also wanted to ask if you could make up a superhero list with only "Daves"? Can it be done?!?!

Also, let's do more movie game blogs like before in the days of yore? Hows about it?

Chris said...

The Daves list (no Davids... well, almost):
HEROES: Dave Letterman (younger, funny version); Dave Thomas from SCTV; Dave from "2001: A Space Odyssey;" Dave the Spazz from WFMU; Super Dave Osborne (obviously)

VILLAINS: Dave Letterman (old, hacky version); Dave Thomas from Wendy's; Dave Sim; Dave Matthews; Dave from that movie "Dave" when he was in fact not Dave, but the corrupt President who looked like Dave. *Phew*

Oh, and if you want to do the movie game: John Malkovich, Dolly Parton and - appropriately enough - Bruce McCulloch

The Moy said...

YES. Gene Wilder's Willie Wonka...

Heroes: Radar O'Reilly, Charles Emerson Winchester III, Jebediah Leland, Mr. Bernstein, Jean Moulin, Governor John Slaton, Lester Atwell, Jean Luc Picard, Hallie Flanagan, Michael Schwerner, Mammy from Gone With the Wind, Rene Belloc, Abel Meeropol, Mark Twain, John Wayne, Mordecai Anieclewicz, Mary Ellen Pleasant, Chief Warrant Officer Hugh Thompson, Milton Mayer, Count Fosco and William Shirer

Villains: Walter Parks Thatcher, Charles Emerson Winchester III, Theresa Bell, Jules Streicher, Roy Cohn, Bull Connor, Emily Monroe Norton Kane, Rene Belloc, Karl Rove, Michel Delassalle, Gul Dukat, Mr. Tulkinghorn, Count Fosco, Sir Percival Glyde, and the Commander's wife from The Handmaid's Tale.

litelysalted said...

I'm late on this one... But the KITH heroes and villians list?! LOVE! I just recently used the Kevin King Of Empty Promises skits to reference how I felt when someone asked me to borrow my Arrested Development DVDs. (Dave Foley's character = me)

Btw, Dave the Spazz? Wow! Big points for that.

Chris said...

Thanks! And hell yeah for Dave the Spazz! Are you an FMU listener? I should be getting a big box of swag from them in the next couple of weeks for pledging to their marathon.