Friday, February 23, 2007

Plus, I'm Pretty Sure This Blog has Been Read as Many as 23 Times Since June!

Above: I didn't know Biohazard were still together, much less that they had an opening for a saxophonist

This weekend sees the release of The Number 23, which I believe stars Jim Carrey as an accident-prone fire marshall with bladder control issues who becomes obsessed with the alphabet or something. As hard as it is to believe that I could pass on the new Joel Schumacher movie, I think I'll be spending my $9.50 elsewhere this weekend. Nevertheless, this film has gotten me thinking about the significance the number 23 has played in my own life. For example:

-On my 23rd birthday I ate 23 pounds of macaroni and cheese over a period of 23 hours and subsequently shat 23 times, all while having 23 seperate crying fits.
-When I was a kid, I was a big fan of Michael Jordan (No. 23), but now I know there are at least 23 reasons to find him loathsome.
-There are at least 23 states in the US that I have no desire to ever visit, although I've heard the western part of the 23rd state, Maine, is pretty happening.
-I abide by the little-known comedy "rule of 23," in which the setup is established 22 times and then the 23rd time is the punchline. Unfortunately, the audience is usually hurling too much abuse by that point to hear the punchline, but that's what makes it edgy.
-It’s a little known fact that Spike Lee bought the rights to my 23rd novella, The 23rd Hour (which followed my previous efforts 22 Cigarettes and The 21st Jump Street) for $23,000 and adapted it into The 25th Hour. I just wish he hadn’t changed the original ending, in which Edward Norton’s character is mauled by 23 mutated lemurs.
-One day in high school – Dec 23, to be exact - I received 23 swirlies in the bathroom after I wore a pink t-shirt depicting 23 members of Menudo.
-I’m pretty sure I've masturbated to at least 23 different Sherilyn Fenn movies in my life. This eventually cost me 23 friends when a few of us got together to watch Of Mice and Men.
-In the early 70’s my uncle Tyrone “Donkey” Duncanhurst (23 letters!) was in a funk band called the Two Threes. They recorded a song called “The Funky 23 Corners" that was banned from 23 different radio stations due to the second and third verse, in which my uncle threatened to shoot Spiro Agnew 23 times in the face.

I could go on and on, but if you'll excuse me I have to go buy a cobb salad at Whole Foods for about... $23 bucks!

1 comment:

Walt said...

Is it me or is the Riddler looking kind of buff?